I don't do shit. But these people do.
So it's my one-year-off-vibe anniversary today or something. Not sure how I'm supposed t' feel 'bout that yet, t' be honest… but as everyone keeps reminding me, it's supposed t' be an accomplishment. So… that's cool, right?
I'm trying t' be happy 'bout this, I really am. But it's bringing up some stuff that I didn't want t' think about, so it's… kinda bittersweet, ya know?
So… I'm not really doing anything big for this (someone's insisted on making cupcakes for the past two days, but there's no consensus on whether I want t' eat one or not) but… I thought that it'd be a good day t' do more sappy shit. And say thanks t' all the people who helped me get here. Or whatever.
But really, though. On a more serious note. (In my case, on a more humorous note, as I struggle t' cope with whatever I want t' say.)
People I'd thank for this… well, fuck, there's a lot.
For starters… Ruzibayne. He was the reason the whole rehab thing happened at all- 'e pushed me when I didn't have the confidence t' push myself, and even when it got t' the point where I was lying t' him on a daily basis and all but stealing his fucking venom while 'e slept, he was nothing but supportive to me. When I finally got the choice of "get clean or get out," he helped me realize that I had the option t' get better. I pushed 'im t' his limit, and he never gave up on me. That's more than I would've done for me at that point… so I appreciate that. I mean… we put a lot o' distance between us over the years. But 'e feels like a brother t' me now, and 'e actually treats me like I'm worth something. And that means a lot t' me now.
So, really. Thanks, Dusk.
Who'd've thought my guardian angel would be an old man with weird fetishes and a dumb accent?
Next… Novaire. He's done so much for me that it's not even funny- we've been buds since we were little, and 'e's stuck 'round through my marriage, my widowing, my nosedive into addiction… in fact, 'e's probably the reason that my drug use stayed casual for so long. Until my thing with Cary fucked itself over, I was doing pretty okay. And 'e's who I've gotta thank for that. And for everything now, as well… I know I don't deserve you, but I love you t' pieces. Thanks for stayin'.
And… uh, lastly… although I'm nervous to put this on 'ere… Revensai. Ever since you killed Tru, I've fucking despised you. And life got harsh for me after that. But… you did give me an out. Not from my son, but… from Cary. And at that point, I needed an out. Really bad. And since then, you've overseen the rehab, made me exercise and eat better… saved me from a fucking heart attack… it stings, thinking about my family sometimes, but if I didn't have you, I'd be dead anyway. So… maybe we could try not to be enemies from now on? Or I'll just start treating you like a normal person, and you'll… well, treat me like always, I guess?
I've really been an asshole t' you, and if part of recovery is fixing damaged relationships… I want t' see things get a little better 'tween us. Just a little. I'll throw in the first thread and say I'm sorry for acting like that. Let's see what happens. Maybe, one day, we could be more than just two strangers stuck in the same house.
… And lastly? Who am I kidding? Shay, Cae, Chlo, Tae, Nick, everyone else who's ever lent a helping hand- thanks t' all of you, too.
… Alright, sappy stuff over. *recedes back into stage persona*
So… long year, huh. I never realized how much time passed in a year until now, really… but when you think about it, I went from this:
to basically this level of ridiculous:
in a year. So who's to say what the future will hold for me? I could go down any day. But I could also not do that, which is far more awesome. Either way, I'm just looking at the old me and remembering my job. Which is pretty much just to make sure I stay Oki 2.0 and not the shitty version of myself.
I think I'm finally running out of Orange is the New Black pictures t' stick onto this page. (Did I mention it's my favourite show?) So I'm gonna cut this now and get some sleep.
Thanks for bein' here for me an' all that. Hope t' see you next year!
(And people wonder why I like this show.)
Alright, go back to whatever shit you were doing. Thanks for reading and all that. ^^'